Dyslexia and Burnout: Understanding Why Uni was Never an Option for Me

Exploring the Deeper Realities of Dyslexia and Burnout and Their Impact on Kiara's Educational Journey

In this introspective piece, the Kiara reflects on their journey with burnout and dyslexia. They reveal how their initial understanding of dyslexia as a reading issue was expanded to include broader cognitive challenges and a higher burnout risk. Recalling their struggles with school avoidance and emotional exhaustion, Kiara discusses how these experiences shaped fears about pursuing higher education.

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Dyslexia and Burnout: Understanding Why Uni was Never an Option for Me

Now that I’m in my early 20’s and more or less recovered from the intense burn out I experienced after high school, I’ve been learning more about having dyslexia and neurodiversity through social media and other online research. The notion I had, that let's be honest most people do about dyslexia as a reading and writing difficulty has been dispelled. I found out that the simplistic explanation of dyslexia as a reading and writing difficulty is sort of untrue, not only is dyslexia more about how our brains process information but also a that dyslexic people, long with more or less all neurodivergents, are at a higher risk for burnout. Soon after learning more about burn out in neurodiverse people something clicked for me: I’ve been experiencing burnout or been on the verge of burnout for a very long time. I just didn’t understand what was going on.

Knowing now what burnout is and how it manifests when I start to get burnt out I now realise that I have been trying to avoid it. And it’s even to the point where the idea of burnout has me avoiding things. 

I realise that 12 year old me avoided going to school and doing schoolwork because of the mental exhaustion that I felt from being in school. I would try to escape by using a faked allergic reaction, tummy ache or cold to go home and once I was at home I would spend hours watching youtube and playing Hayday in order to not have to do homework. Yes, these tendencies helped me because I felt better when I wasn’t in school or doing school work and other things that lead me to be burned out.

At age 15 I would have angry outbursts at anyone and everyone after a long day at school for things that I couldn't really explain. I would struggle to understand what assignments required and not be able to complete them. I also noticed that towards the end of my time in high school I would be sick a lot and simple things like walking would be far more exhausting than before. I really hated pinballing from angry to apathetic to frustrated all the time so anytime I got the chance I would skip doing the work and going to class.  

Ultimately the mental and physical exhaustion, feelings of inadequacy and stress that I felt from going to school made me think that continuing on to University wasn’t in the cards for me. I’ve made countless excuses to friends and family about why I don’t want to go to University yet but the truth is that I’m scared of being burnt out again. Of course there have been other reasons that I haven't pursued higher education. But the dent to myself esteem that unrecognised burnout has had is a big part of it. While I know that actually do enjoy things like reading and writing, and that there are things I can do to avoid it, I still fear that I’ll just end up back in the pit that is burnout.