Its just Autism, What are you scared of?

The Autism Integration Paradox

Welcome to my world, a place where neurodiversity is the hot new DEI buzzword, businesses are desperate for autistic brains to sort their most complex computer problems and yet we’re still expected to adjust our tone, make eye contact and keep meltdowns private. At first glance there isn’t a big problem, but look again and you’ll see certain aspects of being autistic are embraced, but our full integration into society is only allowed if we can suppress the parts that challenge the norm. Our acceptance into society is conditional, this is the Autism Integration Paradox.

Whats Happening?

I wrote last week about how there’s been and increase in the visibility, knowledge and access surrounding autism, one of the things this has resulted in is a shift in inclusion, awareness and acceptance but this surface level shift hasn’t made a dent on the isolation of autistic people because society still doesn’t hold space for the harsh realities of our experience or accept the role its plays in the existence.

So despite it looking like theres been a push for inclusion, the societal undercurrent of discomfort with neurodivergence is still there, a data point would be cute here but lets lead with lived experience, I can feel it, hear it, read it everyday.

We’ve known that neurotypical people are able to pick up on ‘something being off’ when an undisclosed autistic person interacts with them but, more recent research also highlights that…

First impressions of autistic adults generally improved when raters were informed of their autism status, providing a diagnosis worsened impressions made by neurotypical raters with high stigma toward autism. - Kerrianne E Morrison, 2019

Theres nothing we can do to be accepted by people committed to misunderstanding us so this prevents us from fully integrating into society but what about those who say they want to include us?

Privilege Reflection, I rarely make this statement because it’s implied or I choose my words carefully but today more than ever its important to note that this whole thing is written from the perspective of a high masking autistic, who can ‘get it together’ enough to pass as a neurotypical on a good day, so as we continue I encourage you to think about how this experience would differ about those who can’t or tbh are willing to take the calculated risk not to.

The Push For Assimilation

We’re trying to integrate autistic people into a society thats not ready. Its like trying to bake a cake in a oven thats not been preheated, you can give it a good go, watch it cook, it might even rise but don’t be surprised when it looks like shit when you take it out.

Efforts focus on changing the autistic individual not the environment, isolated shopping hours and special services if requested rather than making accommodating us the norm. Putting kids through ABA and expecting adults to abide by social rules or even dress codes rather than just accepting them as they are.

I get that its a start, and that some people are trying but, pushing for assimilation just screams ‘Im scared’, theres a fear of what it would mean or look like to accept autistic people wholly as they are. Trying to mould or change us rather than edit the environment we exist in signals that autistic traits (and autistic people) are undesirable and must be modified.

Introducing: The Autism Integration Paradox

This the problem, as autistic people become more visible society can’t ignore our differences any longer so we’re being integrated… into a society that hasn’t considered what we may need from it rather than what it can take from us.

The ugly side of autism causes discomfort for those who see autism only as a superpower but fail to see the cost of having such a ‘gift’. The problem solving and hyperfocus is praised but the overwhelm of basic hygiene isn’t spoken about. The ability to buy the best gifts is loved but the reluctance to hang out at new places in a pain. So autistic people are pressured into hiding part or all of themselves, theres an unspoken need to mask, to adapt to be accepted.

There must be a cure

I probably shouldn’t admit this, and I need you to read what Im writing not what you think is being said, but every now and then I think about how much better my life would be without autism to weigh me down, all the greatness that comes with my way of thinking is overshadowed by how hard it is to do ‘basic’ things let alone the other shit that I’m expected to do.

The expectations that come from white supremacy, patriarchy, colonialism all have me measured against bars I’ll burnout trying to meet, for the sake of a standard wasn’t created with me in mind. So how can I be successful in a society that has systematically been built without considering me? One thats forcing me to get involved whilst hiding part of who I really am?

Autism isn’t a disorder that needs to be treated, but most Autistic people do have mental health struggles related to living in an unaccepting neurotypical world.
―

Devon

, Unmasking Autism: The Power of Embracing Our Hidden Neurodiversity

Historically autism had been viewed through a deficit lens, and I disagree with that and I also don’t see the need to search for a cure for autism, autism itself is harmless - what we need is a cure for societies way of thinking and operating that makes being autistic so damn hard.

The Autism Integration Paradox a killer

Imagine being constantly told to “Be yourself, but not like that”.

If you’re autistic reading this you probably don’t have to, if you’re not its kinda like playing darts on a date and you have two options, smoke them never see them again or let them win and have a 2nd date. Obviously letting them win seems like the better option but now think, you’re 2 years into the relationship… they think you’re bad at darts this whole time, this one time they bring it up darts around your friends and it all comes out. You won the local league 3 years in a row. In utter disbelief they challenge you to a game, its your turn to throw… treble 20… treble 20… treble 20… the colour drains from their face, and you wake up to a text “who even are you”.

Being half accepted but kind of not really add this unnecessary pressure into our lives as autistic people. The anxiety, burnout and loss of identity is made worse by being dragged out of isolation and wedged into a world that has a reductive view of who we are and who we should be.

Autistic people are up to seven times more likely to attempt suicide than non-autistic people… Up to 35% of autistic people have considered suicide, and up to 25% have attempted suicide or have suicidal behaviours - Autistica

A Call for True Inclusion

Awareness efforts need to go beyond top 5 traits and surface statistics about under diagnosis in women and girls and start talking about the constipation, insomnia and how easily repetitiveness can turn into addiction.

The ultimate goal should be a society that welcomes autistic people, not just when they’re palatable or productive but always. Replacing stigma with an informed dislike (still not great but at least its less ignorant). Shifting away from assimilation and towards acceptance.

Basically, just let us be ‘weird’ as long as we’re not hurting anyone, whats the problem.

How do you think we can move toward genuine inclusion for autistic individuals?

Tyla x